Side Note: If you aren’t a single homemaker, please read this anyway. You may be single at some point in your life, you certainly know people who are single, and you probably have daughters who are going to move into the single homemaker stage faster than you anticipate. There is a rather large hue and cry right now about the lack of women getting married and having children. Singleness is a growing epidemic in our country, which will create some unique struggles for the homemaker, both single and not. Even if this isn’t your life, this short series can encourage you to pray for these women and help you see how to support them.

We absolutely champion single homemakers around here, be they young ladies still at home, young women out on their own, or widows. Every woman can and should learn the skills, the methods, the whys and hows of homemaking. Women of all types excel in the field of domestic arts and should be applying their individual gifts to their unique situations, including married, single, mother, childless, empty nest, and widow. This is why we regularly address maid, matrons, and crones.

Back in December, my husband went on a personal retreat at the start of his 3-month sabbatical. I stayed home and enjoyed a combination wife vacation/writing sabbatical/Christmas prep time. For 10 days, I was largely on my own. One of my goals during this time was to study being a single homemaker. I wanted to observe myself (mentally, emotionally, and physically) in this state of temporary singleness so I could better address our single homemakers.

Guess what I found?

Single homemaking is hard!

It is so very much harder than homemaking with a husband and children around. Tending ourselves is not motivating. It feels pointless and without reward. The world likes to tell us that sacrificing ourselves for others is a waste, if not borderline abusive, but the reality is that serving ourselves isn’t inspiring, encouraging, or empowering. Cooking dinner using 2-3 pans seems like too much work for one person. It’s so much easier to just go eat junk food. Who needs a clean bathroom? It’s just me. Who cares if I’m wearing pajamas again? The chickens? At least I had chickens that needed care. Trying to entice myself to care about anything while my husband was gone was a challenge. Granted, I was supposed to be a bit in vacation mode, but it was still very hard to stick to routines, nourishing meals, housekeeping, and appropriate self-care when all of that was only serving my own needs.

And it’s not that you single homemakers don’t have people to tend; it’s that your people are either independent of you (like a roommate) or they’re outside your four walls (aged parents, grown children, friends, church family, community). It means that a huge percentage of your homemaking is done for yourself, initially. The cooking, cleaning, laundry, cozying, beautifying and all are done mostly, or firstly, for yourself.

Dear single homemakers, I see you. I see how hard you work every day to stay motivated and to remember that beauty and health and housework are important. They are! But I see now how hard it is to hold onto that truth. I see how easy it is to neglect homemaking or become apathetic towards it when you’re alone so much of the time.

When you’re home alone, it’s easy to ask yourself, or feel the discouraging question of, “What is even the point?” No one is there to care if you eat cold pizza or that whole bag of tortilla chips, or if you pour that extra glass of wine, or if you even made your bed. It’s easy to become disenchanted with homemaking when you’re only expressing self-love, not husband-love, or children-love with your work. I get it. I 100% get it. And I’m here to tell you that the domestic arts and all they entail are important.

Your everyday acts of homemaking matter. We tend our people, and for you, that person is you. So get that throw, get those lamps, cook that pot of stew, do your yoga and weight training, water your plants. Not because you deserve it, but because you are Imago Dei, just like the married woman, and just like the mothers. Not because you deserve it, but as training in service. How will you ever tend others if you haven’t practiced on yourself? If you don’t clean your home, how helpful can you be to a postpartum mom? If you don’t cook, how can you join a meal train? If you don’t decorate your space, how will you learn to recognize and appreciate beauty? None of us live in a vacuum. If we don’t do the work in private, we won’t do it in public.

From the idea of Imago Dei and the idea of private practice for public usefulness, look for people to tend. Don’t isolate yourself. Yes, the homemakers around you may seem untouchable. I remember how detached I felt from the women around me when I worked full time. My schedule and their schedules never matched. You’ll find this true more often than not, but do what you can. Plug in. Reach out. I promise you there is always someone needing a text, card, phone call, help, food, or just a friend.

Single homemakers, we see you, and we want you around. HearthKeepers wants you. Yes, your life looks way different than the homeschooling mom of 12 or 2, but we still want you around. You have lots to bring to the table and lots to learn, just like everyone else.

To all you dear HearthKeepers with full homes, appreciate what you have. You have so many people to tend that the dishes actually need to be done – cleaning and laundry too. Look who you have around you close enough to hug. Look who you’re staying sturdy, steady, and soft for. Appreciate the gifts you have. Having people to serve, strive, and grow for is hugely motivating. Be grateful. Reach out to the single women around you. Don’t forget them. Don’t glamorize their lives. Bring them into that mom-hug, and include them in the community. Help them see how they can serve.

The Single Homemaker, Part 1: The Struggle

Training and Faithfulness